Her Ex was fine with it and he was baptized there. After years of angst I felt we had become one extended family until I left my abusive husband and it seemed to me that my fathers original wounds from my mother leaving were reawakened and I became the scapegoat for his and that side of the families judgement. Emily. And if you dont like this for whatever reason, its a very bad sign. Thank god I have the love of a good man now. Anyway, if you feel that hes doing this to you, its a very clear sign that hes not completely over his ex. I found out several years later about this. Cut off your family if you must. You dont own your family, they do. She should not be demanding that her family cut him off. All are grown adults, respect each others opinion to disagree. Not even the same thing. He was sensitive enough to my sisters childishness that he would not come over when she was around. And that hes actuallyhaving some kind of backup, so he can get back with his ex. I went through this with my exhusband. Exact same scenario but took 7 years of him at every family function for me to finally realize that his car wasnt just parked in my sisters driveway during the day, it was also there overnight! I think they secretly wanted me to attempt to get back with her. Oh and wait a minute, I have known this person since I was 11 years old. Ive worked my way into a highly skilled engineering field as a project lead from nothing, and my success means nothing to him. I searched for what to do when your family stays in contact with your ex. She moved in with him; they got a dog together, and she helped him raise his son for the 6+ years that they lived together (the boy's mother is still in . You could use this time wisely to explore your past, what went wrong in this relationship etc so you can begin to look ahead. I have my nephews birthday party coming up next weekend and my ex and his mistress is supposed to be attending and I feel like Im not going to be able to control my actions if I attend. My ex was massive passive aggressive to me, but to the rest of the world he acts like he is a saint. I ask my siblings to let go of my ex family or let go of me. I feel for you. I have peace with him, for the sake of our kids. I empathize. And being fully supported by my mother in law. My boyfriend's family is clueless when it comes to talking about my boyfriend's ex around me. My mother in law never mentioned it, never said a word to my husband about it. I think her family should politely put the ex at some kind of arms length . Try to learn how to accept. My Dad, Step Mum and siblings did the same to me. Maybe instead of thinking about poor pitty party you and gow you feel maybe you should think how are my kids doing not only did I kick their dad to the curb but now Im tearing the family apart as well. I would have been more than accommodating to them having a relationship but they enabled him to behave abusively towards me because he was sweetness and light to their faces whilst being a monster behind their backs. She is. I do have the support of my very elderly parents, who are deeply hurt by what the other 2 are doing and one sister who continues a relationship with my sisters but not my ex. That simple. I try to get over it because its past. When I have him he ALWAYS knows where he is and he knows I dont have anyone else around him. x. I feel the same way. What has gone on has devastated my life and I have been unable to move on. Id be pretty unhappy if I were in your shoes. I lost my best friend, who cheated with my ex. This is almost certainly why they are not interested in or respectful of your opinions. If a guy is sad for a day, its not a big deal. I was to say the least beyond belief as we were only married for 4 years and he had nothing when we marrried. Oh well. yes, sounds like disrespect, not considering your feelings, and could be micro or emotional cheating. No sane man wants to make his girlfriend insecure. You cant fix anyone of them and you certainly cant make them selfless. Your reply also suggests that a) you have been an abusive person in a relationship and/or b) someone close to you has cut you off due to your behaviour or c) you are stuck in an abusive relationship yourself and wildly defensive against those of us who break free because it makes you feel uncomfortable on a subconscious level. So i made the excruciating decision to cut ties with them. I just dont feel that it is appropriate that we are going to be hanging out with his ex wifes family without her knowledge. I bet if you look through your own family that has supported your ex you will start to see similar traits xxx. Is that normal with your boyfriend and his ex wife still go hang out with his ex wife. Agreed. I have told her for almost a year, that our divorce is not our kids fault and that NO MATTER what, we are their family, those are our kids and one day they will have kids, now we are grandparents. no matter what I said, they wouldnt listen. Seeing a therapist to try and find where Im wrong and its my fault that I am not around them, but she is there for everything including family events and bbqs. Ill repeat this good people are not abusive! While his ex may genuinely like his mother, she also genuinely still likes your boyfriend and is hoping for a reconciliation. I am thinking that she stopped letting us see him because we stopped loaning her money and/or because I called her out on what she was doing to her son. Sorry for the brutality. I do not like being around him since he thinks he can still tell me what to do, how to do it and when to do it. But dont let it split the two of you up or spoil your move. Your family is. Everyone is allowing her to make the rules, so she does. With that said I think the ex really is stepping out of bounds here. Every awful thing he did behind their back to me he always avoided responsibility for and used my natural upset as further evidence that i was the unreasonable one! Fill in this form and you'll get instant access: Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and bestseller author. In fact, in some cases, a divorce is quite amicable and the couple remains friends. But I was good. Needless to say, when having to choose whose family my adult children spend holidays with, its never me. As my two sisters and their beloved families leave today for yet another family vacation with my xhusband of 10 years, I sit here alone having an amazing pitty party wondering if its just me. Do you even know what are you saying?! I so badly wanted them to pick sides but thats not the right thing to do. Especially the first year. Move on and get over yourself and do us divoced people a favor stop using co parenting because you are not co parenting by any means you are damaging your kids and ruining lives.. Dude you must be the kids father of the original poster lol. Over years of unity, you cant just turn it off like a light bulb. Theres nothing wrong with them still being friendly with your ex, but to take it to the point where theyre spending holidays with him and bbqs with him and hanging out all the time. Its one thing to be able to have holidays together. Sad! I hope I can see him soon. His coworkers, his family and all our friends(except my mothers best friend and my grandma)all believed he was blemish free. divorced so I know. Especially when I found out my ex bought one of them a house!! To top it off his girlfriend is now pregnant, I am super happy for him because he wanted children, but seeing my family getting so excited about it on social media upsets me, I dont understand why I am feeling so upset about it, and feel very guilty about having negative emotions everytime I see a new post. You can have a totally healthy and normal friendship with members of an ex's family, as long as you're considerate of your ex's feelings. I have been going through the same thing for the past 11 years. I am glad that I stumbled across your post because it made me not feel alone to this topic! No one ever stood up for me. I talk to him As painful as that is, and believe me in some ways I understand (Im divorced), you dont want your children growing up believing Grandma and Grandpa (aunts and uncles) hate their dad. You do not and should not have to tolerate being around your ex UNLESS you want to be. After a 5 year breach i was the one that reached out an olive branch to my Dad. Does divorce warrant total detachment from ex family???? As grown adults, no longer in high school, we are very capable of ignoring the idea of a family member and the ex hanging out. You do have a choice. She only became close with him when she meddled in our separation, literally texting both of us as we were arguing. Remember you have kids with him. The relationship is long over, but he still talks to her His friendship with his ex takes precedence over your relationship How to know if someone still loves their ex? Its become a politically correct or Internet based personal diagnosis way to say someone is an ass. Children suffer when parents do not make eventual peace. It doesnt, especially if they dont want it to. by By Carolyn Hax, Advice Columnist | Columnist. This is my testimony about the marvelous work priest manuka did for me. I dont like who I am or how I feel around him. I havent spoken to my brother or parents in nearly 3 years. Its all about how THEY feel. never a school conference etc. You have big decisions to make, good luck x. cuz he broke my heart . I cant believe how many people/women thinks that you can turn off love like a light switch. },{ After I talked to my mom who lives in his state, she started asking my uncles and they said they heard from my ex that the divorce was all my fault and I had an affair!!!! You had a relationship with them and have wonderful children who also want a relationship with them. As time went on, I noticed that my sister (and her husband and kids) still stayed pretty close to my ex. Think of the opposite, what if they felt abandoned by their father and you struggled to get him to spend any time with them, would that be healthy for those children? Especially when my mom and sister know the hell I endured during my very dysfunctional marriage! People make choices. My two teen children cant understand why my sisters husband and my ex still communicate after knowing the hell my ex put us through. From everything Ive read of your account, it feels to me as if you are slowly being erased. Them hanging out or keeping in contact with him has allowed my ex to treat me as he has. It hurts me and Im so tired of wasting tears and time. My dad took off then and got remarried, moved 2 states away and kind of dropped out of my life to a degree. That is so damn insensitive. They said they didnt wasnt to take sides but their supportive actions towards him over me showed that they clearly did and his victim stance and calculated composure reeled them in. "text": "I feel like an emotional mess and cry any time I think about how my family keeps meeting my ex. Not his family. I am somehow the bad person Its odd that he feels comfortable enough to pursue a relationship with them as well. When it comes down to it, it doesn't take a genius to see where her. The two dads are killing it, wonderful for that little girl). Since 1996 Divorce Magazine has been the Internet's leading website on divorce and separation. He still shows up for Fathers Day dinners, Easter, Christmas, 4th of July, etc. People only take what other people allow them to take, in interpersonal situations like this. I feel for you because my ex tried to destroy me in every way possible when we split 7 years ago. My ex turns up to all my family ocasions such as funerals, my sister even invited them to my dads 80th birthday party. male why did he pretend again 2 love me wen i was already in love wat was his gain from hurting me not once but twice bout be onlove with me he never share same feelings as i he mislead me again why all i did love him real live and furnish his apartment 2 bedroom and his son room, I was dumped after 47yrs of marrige and said he never loved me plus he still wants his ex from 1969 However, he did not beat my sister. 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